After learning her husband died five times, Roxanne Fletcher knew she had to be strong for her boys. It wasn’t the first time she sought professional help to find strength. She did so when she and Daryl left their family’s dairy farm in Oregon and moved to Wisconsin, and when she was diagnosed with Bipolar I.
Based on the conversations I’ve had about mental health across agriculture, bipolar is a diagnosis that would terrify most of us. Roxanne Fletcher has faced down her own demons — literally — after being diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder in 2016.
“Bipolar disorder (formerly called manic-depressive illness or manic depression) is a mental illness that causes unusual shifts in a person’s mood, energy, activity levels, and concentration. These shifts can make it difficult to carry out day-to-day tasks,” according to the National Institute of Mental Health.
After Roxanne’s mood swings were getting larger and longer, Daryl asked her to go talk to somebody. She refused, but she eventually made that tough phone call and first visit to her physician. She was exhausted from “trying to be normal.”
Her diagnosis was long and drawn out. She was first diagnosed with major depressive disorder and severe anxiety, and tried four different antidepressants, which made her think about suicide non-stop. “Daryl held on for dear life and loved me through it,” she says.
She kept telling the doctor it was more than depression, especially after she heard voices in her head. Those sensations later turned visual and tactile, like feeling pebbles go through her veins. Her doctor thought she was bipolar and helped Roxanne find a psychiatrist.
“My brain was on fire” is how Roxanne describes mixed episodes, when she was both manic and depressed. Her psychiatrist helped her focus on getting it through one minute and then get through the next minute. Her bipolar was so severe in 2017 she went on disability due to the severity of the illness, as they again tried different medications and found a very rough road.
She notes that a lot of times insurance doesn’t want to cover mental health care, and she had to go on Medicare to have her care covered. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) was a game changer, but very expensive. Roxanne learned skills on how to handle when the hard stuff comes through three cycles of DBT over 18 months.
“When mania starts out, it feels so good. It’s hard to tell if it is normal or headed to the cliff. “The higher I go, the deeper I go.” She couldn’t leave the house for two and a half months. Their sons were 9, 5, and 2 at the time, and she found a sisterhood with women who have experience with mental health challenges — they stepped in when she could not.
Roxanne is now stable with medication; her last episode ended in February 2021. Beyond professional help and medication, she’s found that a good night sleep is essential. She’s also frustrated because two bipolar medicines have led to weight gain. She knows exercise can help manage her stress, and she regularly walked staircases when Daryl was in the hospital.
“Failure is not an option — we have three boys counting on us,” she says. “Harder days mean you have to take care of yourself. Self-care may be sitting and watching three episodes of a funny show. It doesn’t have to be a spa afternoon. It’s the little, tiny things; drink enough water, sit outside, enjoy animals — it’s not go big or go home.”
Roxanne’s story doesn’t end with mental illness; she recently earned her Master of Science in Curriculum and Instruction from University of Wisconsin-Madison. It was something she never dreamed of doing, but saw an ad on Facebook at the right time. She worked through the 14-month graduate program and earned a 4.0 GPA through 46 hours of graduate work. She missed passing the English certification test by one point because of testing anxiety, but then completed it through a work portfolio.
Meanwhile, an agriculture education teaching position opened up 20 miles from home and immediately captured Roxanne’s attention. She knew she’d have to pass an agricultural certification test, so she studied even more because she thought the position was a perfect fit. She passed the test by more than 30 questions over the requirement.
She’s now an ag ed teacher and FFA advisor at Wonewoc-Center and is excited about the opportunity to help young people find their way in a business she loves. She knows there will be good days and bad days, but is grateful for the opportunity to work with students.
I met the Fletchers decades ago and have watched their journey unfold. Their resiliency through business, health, and mental challenges is remarkable. Roxanne’s top three tips are:
- Talk to someone.
- Recognize emotions and feelings. They are valid.
- No situation is permanent — the sun will shine again.
Roxanne has openly shared her mental illness journey in the hope of helping others. She is happy to talk with anyone in ag about mental wellness (contact me for her e-mail).
She notes, “It’s so hard, especially for men, to admit there might be something wrong, but it’s so important to talk and ask for help.”
Remember to find hope in tomorrow: “A bad day doesn’t mean a bad life.”
This is the second in a two-part series on the Fletchers. Part 1 explores Daryl Fletcher’s health crisis.
Michele Payn speaks and writes to help the people of agriculture have tough conversations about managing stress, connecting with consumers, and making sense of science. Learn more at causematters.com or follow @mpaynspeaker on social media.
